THE LIFE AND TIMES OF BADMAN

Its Been A While

2006-07-16T07:11:00.000+01:00

Hello everyone (zoe) how the devil are you?
What with the world cup, my International modelling career and other stuff I just been to busy to post. Sorry, but I’m sure you have been getting by just fine with out my guidance. Well let’s get the world cup out the way first, he is a short review. England, rubbish with a capitol RUBBISH. (I said it was going to be short.) On the bright side the weather has been quite lovely of late and that can only be a plus. When we where standing up the common watching the RUBBISH England on the smallest large screen ever, the fact we lost didn’t really sink in cos are brains had been frying in there own juices (plus larger) for a good few hours. I also took some pictures with my new camera which if you haven’t seen already then you can go to flickr and have a look. There is only a handful on there (a handful if you have six fingers) there are more good ones and some not so good one (that look like they where taken by a drunk man with a new camera) (which funny anuff they where) but I have only got a small monthly up load limit, so I may add some more in a bit.

Well that’s about it really, I will try and post a bit more often from now I promise!!
Now that the modelling has died down a bit I have a bit more time on my hands!!!

the sun has got its hat on.

2006-06-05T20:40:00.000+01:00

The sun has got his hat on, about bloody time!!!
This should be a good month. Suns out, England playing and winning the world cup and the suns out. well the sun bits true, if we win the cup well thats just a big, massive bonus. Can you imagine if we win! The whole place will go bonkers. Remember when we won the ruby and the ashes? Imagine that but 100 times more, cos football is a sport people actualy like and not just pretending to. cos we had won jack shit for so long people just wanted to enjoy thay winning feeling again!! so said they cared and went out and got pissed. I can imagine the next month going like this, watch ever game thats on, be happy cos England get to the next stage, then with any luck the next stage after that, we go out on pens cos of a disallowed goal or sending off, then not watch any more games cos i've over loaded on football and beer and chewed all my nails off while watching said pen shoot out!!
Come on ENGLAND!!! we can dream!!!!

Prize winning Artist

2006-05-24T17:33:00.000+01:00

How the bloody hell are you?

Above is not the winning entry but one that I did and didn’t enter. I didn’t realize that you are not supposed to put entries on other site cos of some copy right related stuff, so if you want to see the award winning pictures you will have to go here. Or click on the Worth1000 link in the link bit above (that i have changed to take you to my stats page)(a bit of self promotion never hurt any one) I got a nice silver trophy on my virtual mantel piece. Also I have been awarded some gold stars that are awarded by the panel independently of the voting. Nice! The link above will take you to my stats page, where you can view all my entries and the contest that they where in. Click on the name of the entry for the pic and the name of the contest for the rest of the entries. Please feel free to leave some comments on there.

On a different note, what the **** is going on with the weather? I know that it is a English trait to talk about the weather, but come on its shit at the mo. Rain, rain and some more rain with a bit of sun thrown in to just wind you up and remind you what its supposed to be like this time of year!! I thought global warming was going to give us the type of climate that the South of France has, well they can bloody keep it. On the plus side if the hose pipe ban is brought in then its not going to effect any one, as the lawn and flowers will be well watered by the sudden and rain forest like down pours!!

NiceTrick

2006-05-15T19:19:00.000+01:00

Hello, how’s it going good I hope?

Today I am running a contest. It is a caption contest.

The rules are thus.

You must come up with a chat up line that Damo is using on the young sweet heart as she walks through the park.
You can use the fact that they are toys or not, it’s up to you.
All entries can be submitted using the comment link under this post. (Click on comments then scroll down and click on post comment.)
The contest runs until the end of the month when the winner will be announced.
There is no prize except the fact that I thought yours was the best and if I see you in the pub I will get you a drink (that is under £3!)
The winner will be judged on the humour and not pure smut (but some smut is ok)!
You can have as many goes as you like up until the dead line at midnight.

So have fun!!!!!! All the time!!!!!

Worth1000

2006-05-06T16:26:00.000+01:00

Here are some of the entries for the worth1000 comps that I have entered. The manga (Angelina Jolie) only came 121/122. Now I think that was harsh as there where at least 3 worse than mine. I suppose you have to play against the best to get better. The Heidi klum picture is for a fountain of age comp. Still time to vote on that one, and the cyborg (Keira Knightley). I may have stabbed my self in the foot on the manga comp, cos I got Carl and Damo to vote for me. I have since found out that it goes against you if you get really high scores of a couple of people that are a lot higher than the average of the other votes on your work. It’s called” karma “ have a look. So if you do vote then please give it a mark that it deserves in relation to the other efforts. Oh and try to vote on as many as you can, if you have time. cheers

Animal circus

2006-05-02T22:15:00.000+01:00

I will be entering a picture in one of the Worth1000 (link top left)(make that top right) contests soon. So if it gets entered and I haven’t broken any of the rules, you can vote Badman and see if I can win some more credits. You get 10 when you sign up and can win 100 if you win. If it gets on there I will let you know, and post the link to the contest. You may have to sign up to vote but that’s easy and I’m sure I can count on you vote (even if you like one of the other entries more). Vote, vote, vote I will be out canvassing soon and kisses old ladies.

Strange World

2006-04-29T13:43:00.000+01:00

Today I went to work. But I’m home now. So on with the show. The pics above are all grouped because I thought they went together, they all have something odd about them. And that’s it really, not much of a show. So I have put some links on here for you today, cos I’m like that, nice. isthisyou
thesmokinggun

Life on Mars

2006-04-25T22:33:00.000+01:00

This is a genuine picture of an alien, no, no, I hear you doubters, it is. This is the proof that there is life on other planets. Carl asked the question on his blog, so I hope this puts his mind to rest that we are not the only thing in this galaxy! There is as I think Bowie said "life on Mars". Then again he was known for large drink and drug consumption, so you can take what he said with a pinch of salt. Anyway, if you go to town on a week day it is right in front of your eyes, prove that aliens are among us. Mostly dressed in pink towline track suits and pushing prams with there alien babies. Well thats how it looks to me and thats what counts, in it!!

Animal Magic

2006-04-22T22:56:00.000+01:00

A snail on tank tracks, a squirrel with an elephant’s head and a bird with lizard’s bits. You may well ask what the fick is going on. I would answer “I don’t know!”

Doctor Who

2006-04-20T17:41:00.000+01:00

If like me you are at the age when Tom Baker was Dr Who and not the voice of Little Britain. Then you may enjoy the pic of him and K9 relaxing between takes on the set. It looks like Tom has the game in the bag (what with him having hands and K9 only having none).

Also I have managed to get this screen shot of Steven Hawkings staring in the new series. This has been kept very quiet, so this is an exclusive! The Beeb are also releasing a 1/5 scale model of Davroshawk (the part that he is playing) a pic of which is also above. He loved the modified wheel chair so much that the Beeb let him keep it. In fact he now regularly turns up at his lectures in said chair and gives his talks on the Tears in the space time continuum caused by Uranus (yes there is a bum joke in there, sorry). Audiences don’t seem to mind the chair but wish he would reframe from saying “exterminate, exterminate” at the end of every sentence! But I say let him have his fun for fook sake; look at him he probably don’t get much!

For Rent

2006-04-18T20:33:00.000+01:00

How fragile is this life we lead. One random ninja killing and your whole world quickly turns to poo! This young chap seen here prostituting his wares (by wares I mean him, on display like so much prime meat in a butcher’s window). Carl (the destitute young man above) had a good job trying to stop Fawley Power station blowing up. Now though he is selling parts of himself that no man should have to.

After the family slaying, Carl lost the will to work, lost his job, his self respect and ended up on the streets of America. How he got to the U.S.A. is a story for another day (when I can think of it). But now he’s out for revenge! “I’ve had five lessons and I’m slowly turning into a one man killing machine, when I find those ninjas they better watch out, I’m gonna rip them a new *******” said Carl. Brave words indeed……!

Happy Easter Kids!

2006-04-16T11:45:00.000+01:00

I would like to dedicate this pic to Taffro, he’s not dead or anything. Well I don’t think so; he probably should be the amount he likes to drink! It’s the word that he introduced to me, it was used in a story he told (one that I can not really repeat here as there maybe young ears listening) about his mate. I will leave it there……!

Thats not bunny!!

2006-04-15T11:00:00.000+01:00

Good day to you.

Caught this little bugger doing the off with my chocolate egg. Luckily for me and not for him I still had my air rifle hanging around. Now before you animal lovers get all upset, let me just say that he is not dead. But stealing he wont be any more. For I didn’t shoot him in the head (Splattering his tiny thieving brains over the lawn) no, I just shoot his paws off (that will learn him).

On a different note I watched King Kong last night, here is the review.

Long, visually stunner and funny in places. Jack Black plays Jack Black, but that’s ok by me. King Kong was the best actor in the film for me, stealing every scene he is in. Now being 25 feet tall you may think that this would be easy, but credit where credits due, the boy can act. He must also have been in peak physical fitness to be able to pull of all those dangerous stunts, as far as I know he preformed them all himself (for extra bananas). You don’t clap eyes on the big brute until about half way through (the film) but the hour and a half leading up to this is still enjoyable. Young kids may find this a bit of a drag, but if they haven’t developed a decent attention span by the age of 12 (the age rating for this film) then they deserves a slap (I do not condone the beating of children, unless the little gits deserve it). Naomi Watts plays the primate loving heroine with a great deal of 1930’s charm and style. She is not your usual leading lady (lovely to look at but could not act her way out of a wet paper bag) she I felt was a great choice for the part and well done to the casting directors for picking her. Some reviews say that the C.G.I. scenes where over long, but if like me you like your computer related stuff, then they can just shut their dirty mouths!

Easter

2006-04-13T18:44:00.000+01:00

I managed to find a picture of me, Damo and Carl dressed right up for Easter.

They where taken at various times in the development of the great minds and people that we are today! Mine I think I was about 1980, about 8 years old I would guess. As you can see the beard was in full flow even at that tender age, no problems in pubs and I was only 8ish. Carls, as you can see is only black and white, the cameraman probably died at a young age from the chemicals it took to take the picture of this bundle of Easter joy! I’d say he looks like he had crazy legs even then. I have been told that he still demands an egg hunt to this day on Easter Sunday. He never lost the inner crazy child!!! They say that all babies are sweet, well your Honour I present the case for the prosecution. I would like to bring your attention to Exhibit A (Damo’s baby photo) I say no more!!!

Three D pics

2006-04-11T19:21:00.000+01:00

The chops (a word for photoshop artworks used by cool kids, a lot cooler than me no doubt) above are made from an idea that I stole from a flickr picture. I say stole borrowed is a better word me thinks! I have seen the idea before and I have a feeling that the guy from flickr borrowed it to. If he didn’t then I offer my apologies, but I’m over it, so hopefully he is to! The source photo is the bit that makes it work or fail, they only take about half an hour to do as well. This makes it look like I am in the middle of a prolific artistic spree, well it would have done if I hadn’t just told you that they are quick to do and that I stole (sorry borrowed) the idea.

The Raconteurs. Broken Boy Soldiers.

I like zeppelin, do you like zeppelin? Jack White does!

Earth for Sale

2006-04-08T15:07:00.000+01:00

He is my third and final entry for the comp. I hope it doesn’t make me seem like a green peace hippie. But you know us 70’s children! I remember sitting in the hippie commune thinking don’t look at me freak and put some god dame shoes on. Freaking moon child my arse! The nearest I really got to a hippie commune was at Glastonbury. I will say in there defence, there was nothing that they wanted for. Except a bath! They had shoes, just chose not to wear them. If that’s there bag!

Patti Smith. Horses.

Indie girl band singers, been listening to this?. Admit it!

I got the whole world in my hand. whoops dropped it!

2006-04-07T19:44:00.000+01:00

What a responsibility! The whole world in your hand, I have smacked my knee on a table, my elbow at work and then I kicked my toes on the sofa all this in two days, don’t give it to me I will most definitely drop it. Junior Parkinson's disease here I come!!! I am the master at knocking something off a shelf and then catching it on the way down, I know not knocking it off would be a better skill, but hey! It’s better than nothing.

They say it will take two weeks to make Gene Pitney a coffin from oak, but only 24 hours from balsa!

Sorry!

Thats one way to reserve a taxi

2006-04-06T17:24:00.000+01:00

Taxi’s are funny things, you are really glad when you get one on the way home from the pub/club and then when you are sitting there watching the meter reaching an astronomical amount you kind of wish you had walked. The driver will be moaning about his crap night, and you are thinking that you would not mind being paid 5 pounds a minute to do the simple job of drive around the long way as slow as you can. I guess they are providing a service to you at an ungodly hour, but come on they know there are road works this way and it will push the fare to the amount of a small third world countries debt!!!

Secret Machines. Ten silver drops.

Good prog rock, but more rock than prog this time

Thats my ball

2006-04-05T20:12:00.000+01:00

Oh the sun how I just love it. It opens up all sorts of possibilities to you when you get home from the daily grind of work. Sit in the pub and watch the brightly lit day, sit on the common and watch the brightly lit girls play topless volley ball (sorry drifted of there) drive around listening to music on the car tunes player and watch brightly lit girls playing with each other (sorry at it again).

Keep the album reviews coming in, below are a few from various music lovers.

Clap your hands, say yeah. Clap your hands, say yeah.

Velvets do battle with the present and win on points. Arturo x

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

Clap your hands and say no to the hype, dammit. Damo

Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble: Greatest Hits

Spectacular blues guitar mastery from dead guy in cowboy hat. Damo

Reggae Greats Vol 3 by Various

Lovely Stuff. Gman

Keep um coming!

Spider lizard

2006-04-03T18:43:00.000+01:00

Above is my second entry for the spoofworld comp.

Snow Patrol. Eyes Open

Not out yet, I don’t know what it sounds like.

(if I did it would mean that I acquired it illegally)

i'm scared

2006-04-01T18:52:00.000+01:00

Here’s a guy from work who had heard of my skills and wanted to be a big bad creature of the night, so tonight Matthew I am a vampire!!!!

Not me, I mean him..

Feel free to send in ten word reviews of albums and I promise to publish and give you the credit (unless they are really good and I will then claim them as my own) (not really that would be morally wrong).” A” should count but its hard anothe any way, so up to you!!!!!!

Morning Runner. Wilderness Is Paradise Now.

A bit hit and miss, but more hit. Well done chaps!

Photoshop Comp 2

2006-04-01T10:35:00.000+01:00

Well, another month gone. Soon be Xmas. But more importantly MR Carl is running another Photoshop comp over at Spoofworld (it seems that he still has tat to be rid of). Below is the ordinal photo that he has put forward as the source. I think you will agree that it leaves its self open for some fun ideas. I haven’t got any at the mo, but I’m sure they will come a tumbling out of my head so fast that my nimble little fingers won’t be able to keep up. Would you believe it, they could and my first entry is above (Praise my nimble fingers) (I said praise them!) (Now!) (That’s better).

NEW: Record Reviews (in no more than ten words) (A’s don’t count)

Wolfmother.Wolfmother.

All your favourite 70’s rock groups in one band, rocktactic!

Robin Trower. Bridge of Signs.

Good seventies rock, like Hendrix? Get this now, now, now!

Zutons. Tired Of Hangin' Around.

Buy something else and put the first album on instead!

Bell X 1. Flock.

Damien Rice left. They got a shit name, but good album!

David Gilmour. On a Island.

Do not listen to when operating heavy machinery. Causes drowsiness!

Drive By Truckers. A Blessing And A Curse.

A blessing and a curse, drop the curse, Cos it’s good country!

Reviews by me and my ears

TheTrogsTapes

2006-03-28T22:07:00.000+01:00

I like music, you may like music, more than me I don’t know, but if we have a chat I’m sure we can work it out! When you play a cd/tape/lp, you like me make your opinion. But do we ever think about the artists and the struggle they had to get this audio master piece to your ears. No! so do yours self a favour (said in a cockney accent) and have a listen to this THE TROGS TAPES (said in a hampshire accent)

Ashley

2006-03-27T21:03:00.000+01:00

CLICK ON PICS FOR LARGER VIEW

It’s been raining now for as long as I can remember (about 5mins) where is the sun? Ok it’s a tad warmer and lighter in the evening, but a bit of brightness would be nice! There’s naught that I like better than watching the sun light dance across the sky, Making the day that more vivid and bright. The way that it’s warming touch makes you shiver with life! I will of course be doing all of this from my flat and through the window, you don’t want to go out in it you know? It’s bad for you!!!!!!

The artwork above is made from the various pics that are on the top, I thought it maybe of interest to you to see that I don’t just change small things on a pic and then claim it as my own! But use a few different ones to make a new one. Hope you like it!!! If you don’t then sod you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA

Silvershrooms

2006-03-25T15:36:00.000Z

Just a quick one today as I am going out, yes out! you heard right! Oh yes you did. Well you have heard of magic mushrooms, well these are very magic cos they are made from silver. They used to grow in gold but as a defence against chavs (who kept picking them so that they can melt them down and make some nasty clown or horse type necklace out of them) they now only grow in silver. This type can only be found in Wales, so unless you’re unlucky anuff to be in Wales (sorry Taffro) you will never see them!

Bye for now and I promise to share some more of my undoubted wisdom with you later when I have more time.

Snail Race Tragedy

2006-03-23T17:10:00.000Z

Snail Race Tragedy

Tragedy struck today at the Annual Eiffel Tower Giant Snail Race.

Last year's winner rupert was slime trailing in second place when tragedy happened. In his efforts to seize first place from Trevor he tried a daring over taking move that resulted in him losing his footing and his life! As he rounded the sharp angle of the tower he fell. Donald who was in fourth, was fortunate to hear his screams and shift his position out of the way. The crowd gasped in horror as Rupert hurtled toward the ground, several members of which are now being treated for shock. Five people are believed to be hurt, one serious. This is yet to be confirmed. They are reported to have shrapnel wounds from flying fragments of Rupert’s shell as it exploded on the ground. There are now calls for the event to be banned or tighter safety measures to be enforced. One member of the crowd who wished to remain anonymous said “If the race entries wore parachutes then Rupert would still be with us and not a slimy mess on the street” one official talked down fears that some of the contestants where taking performance enhancing drugs to try and gain an unfair advantage and thus making them over confident. Trevor the eventual winner dedicated his Lettuce Leaf trophy to the memory of Rupert and said “he died doing what he loved best, I don’t mean fall from a great height and squishing to the ground I mean racing!”

Are thoughts are with Rupert’s family and friends.

Three heads

2006-03-22T18:07:00.000Z

Well they say two heads are better than one, so I guess three is superior again. But if the three heads are all thick as shit then I guess you are in trouble, three times as much trouble. Take the giraffe above, if each head wants to go a different way would it just stand still and stave to death? Or would the slightly more intelligent one try knocking the other two out with well timed head butts. “Look at that lovely female camelopard over there” (Ancient Romans called giraffes "camelopards," describing them as hybrid animals with camel bodies and leopard spots) (fact) I’m sure she winked at me/you/us, wallop, wallop job done. Apart from the two flaccid heads dragging at its side it can go and do whatever it desires. Maybe paint on some funny faces or shave off the others eye brows for comic effect! Who knows as this is all theory, cos far as I know there is no such creature, only does it exist in my mind and that is no place for the faint of heart!

And I’m not sure if they have eyebrows!

P.S. feel free to post a coment on what you would do if you had three heads.

flickr

2006-03-21T17:50:00.000Z

Hello again! As you can see from above I have been busy with the old Photoshop. I have been greatly helped by the flickr site. It has thousands I tell you thousands of images, mostly by people posting their own photographs. There are some normal pics like family parties and stuff, but there are also lots of strange and beautiful ones as well. Google image search your time is up, well that’s a lie cos I got the space dust used in the wood sprite artwork from there. So it still has its uses, but I think it will now be second choice (how fickle am I, sorry Google I’m of to my new bestest friend flickr’s house for tea).

Hope you all like the pictures, it keeps me off the streets and that can only be a good thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sphincter Tower

2006-03-20T10:57:00.000Z

Well as you can see some determined saint’s fans have managed to get up the Sphincter Tower (I think that’s how it’s spelt) in Portsmouth, I’m not sure how I thought the lift was still broken! Anyway they got up there and have tied a lovely looking Southampton F.C. flag for all the loyal and dim witted Pompy fans to see when they are on their way to sign on or whatever it is they do to occupy their valueless day. Now as a law abiding member of society, I can not condone such an act. But it did make me chuckle. The council are now trying to work out how to get the flag down, may I suggest that they speak to a Mr Harry Redknapp who has a good history of success in taking things down!!!!

Saints are on Sky sports tonight, I’m not going to watch it as I can’t be bothered with the pain!!!

P.S. As you can see i have given my blog another face lift, as Damo said the last one was a bit "teenage gothic" and not really me, so i found this one. I think it is abit more thirty something.
Hope you like!

Bad influence

2006-03-19T23:16:00.001Z

The thing with Asbo’s is that kids see it as a status symbol, if you haven’t got one your no one! I have done my hardest to get one but I’m just not enough of a horrible twat. (Please feel free to disagree) I have tried stealing, being abusive and exposing myself (usually resorting in laugher) (and the comment “bless him”) all to no avail.

Maybe I should release my inner ****! Then you will all be sorry, especially the old and venerable, I will reign destruction upon you. Not really I can’t be arsed!

But don’t push it cos if I wake up full of energy and hate one day I may just give it ago. Na! to lazy!

On a lighter note I am pleased to announce the engagement of Mr Jonathan Gardner to Ms Carmel O'Neill. May your lives be one of union, love and peace.

Best wishes to two of the nice people in this world.

Love, honour and take no notice of Jonathan, cos you know he speaks rubbish!

The London Eye changes to rodent power

2006-03-19T11:34:00.000Z

Due to cut backs in the council budget the London Eye has had to find an alternative power supply, luckily due to the amount of pollution pumped into the sewage system they managed to find a giant mutated mouse! He will happily run all day for a large amount of cheese, a council official said “There is no need to be afraid Monty is very docile and friendly, and to any animal activists out there who are concern about Monty’s well-being why don’t you sod off and find something else to fill your hollow and worthless existence, you pieces of shallow gene pool scum. If you hold the life of a rodent over the possible cure for your children’s or other loved ones ills, then you really should have a strong word with yourselves”.

Monty said “Peace, love and cheese”

their all winners

2006-03-18T17:46:00.000Z

I know that “their all winners” is a phrase that is normal used in reference to the Special Olympics , but in this case it is quite relevant. In a smoky pub in Southampton the artists were sitting in nervous silence, except Damo! A few drinks had been consumed to easy the tension and stress. The nerves were not for the out come of the comp but for the fact that one of us may have to carry a kayak or body board all the way home from town! The host and judge, a lovely blond lady that Carl had some how managed to persuade to do the honours was showing more nerves than the nominees.

Any way the time had come, in reverse order the winners were.

3^rd the simpsons by Carl,

2^nd Mandela by Damo,

1^st I bet you look good on the dance floor (two giraffes) by me. Yahoo!

Well I would like to thank my parents for bringing me into this world (even though they have been cursing them self’s ever since) my art teachers from first and middle school who saw the talent in me, and tried their hardest to bring it out. Though I tried my hardest to keep it locked away in my lazy shell. Also a special thank you to my warped and some times obscure sense of humour that I always find funny, but does sometimes bring the kind of look from people that they normally reserve for doggy poo on their shoe! Carl, for posting the comp in the first place and the prize of the statue. (Thank you. I’m so glad it wasn’t the flashing Mac)

That’s it really, except tears more tears and some additional tears.

I thank every one again, thank you!

The statue has now taken pride of place on my mantle, as you can see from the pic above. If any one would like a signed photo of me with the Roger’s (like the Oscars) then drop me an e-mail and I will send it through for a small sum of money or beer or make me an offer!

Be nice or if not don’t let anyone catch you being bad!

a beer will sort it out!

2006-03-17T16:26:00.000Z

Morning rat fans!

Here are a couple more entries for the spoof comp. The interest of this contest has reached oh so far a field; I have received an e-mail from a guy in space. I tell you I was more surprised than you, out of 10 I would say the surprise level was 10.1! He said that when he had got over the indignation of people spoofing such a good looking fella as myself he thought it was v-funny. But he did say that if anyone goes too far that he would turn his space laser on them and turn them to dust and that their family would not have anuff ash left to even make them into a lifegem. So watch it ok, cos I got friends in high places and you can’t get much higher than space! I did e-mail back and thank him for his support and protection. I also asked that if he saw the babyjesus floating in the heavens to pass on a message saying that I am grateful that he is also looking out for my sinfull soul. He also has a space telescope that is so powerful that it can see and read a newspaper. He has been reading damo’s piece in the local Winchester paper on the band that he went to watch and review and had only good things to say about it, here is a quote from the e-mail on the subject “after watching Damo in his flat with my space scope, I was surprised that he had the hand strength left to write such a great review, what with all the self touching that he does” his words not mine!

Peace love and some more love and just a little more peace! Nice.

only joking!

2006-03-15T19:31:00.000Z

The “life and times of badman” would like to apologise to Damo for any distress caused by the insinuation that you stole my ideas. But I did say that you did not pinch my ideas only got there first! So stop being so sensitive you old tart! I had similar thoughts on the spoof, i.e. in pub with famous person, holding something funny in my hand (and before any one says it that does not include my cock). Also the praise of my photoshop works brought a warm glow to my cold, cold heart. Also many thanks go to worth1000 for their excellent and very helpful tutorials.

And Carl bring on the next comp as this one was a lot of fun.
Sod the prizes if you want to get rid of unwanted tat then give it to a charity and stop trying to unload it onto your friends. I’m sure a needy orphan child could find a use for a set of ice skates, unless they are a victim of a landmine!! (Sorry that is a bit harsh, not on you Carl, I mean the orphan).

When writing this post, I got an email notification of comments by the babyjesus. I did not believe in god and all that crap, but the e-mail doesn’t lie, so please excuse me while I go and get myself saved!!!! Christ (ops sorry for the blaspheme, old habits die hard) Gods got his work cut out.

Please keep the comments coming as this way I don’t need to actually see any of you in person. I have change the settings so you can now post anonymous, so there is no chance of me taking revenge on your worthless souls.

Jesus saves, God bless you sinners! yes that means you, no not you the bloke behind you, no the one to your left, yes you!!!

i bet you look good on the dance floor?

2006-03-14T22:16:00.000Z

Well the spoof comp is really on a roll now! I think at last count the total number of entries was three, and one of them is MR Carl himself. If you have not seen the works then you really need to get your lazy asses over to spoofworld and have a look. No wait there is a 4^th! Above is my effort, I won’t lie (well not this time any way) but I struggled for an idea. I was let down by google, they should stop censoring the poor Chinese and get some more images that I can use on their bloody search engine. Two ideas I did have where stolen by Damo, I’m sure he used some kind of mind magic. Look into my eyes not around the eyes!!!! He didn’t really pinch them he just got there first, but that is one of the many advantages of not having a job. The others are being able to sit around and scratch your nuts all day, being able to sit around and scratch your arse all day and then some more nuts scratching! Yes Damo there is a hidden camera in your flat. I have seen the dark side of the net, but nothing, nothing prepared me for what I saw on those recordings. I will never eat chicken again!!!!!

Back on the subject of the spoof comp, there is a mystery prize up for grabs. No one knows what that is! Wouldn’t be much of a surprise other wise would it. I’m guessing it is one of Mr Hobbies (carl) bits of unwanted equipment from one of his old discarded pastimes. Could it be a kayak? Could it be a body board? Or maybe a rain coat from his flashing days, who knows. Only the unlucky winner will find out first!

P.S. thanks to gman for the monkey related input, if I had a fav showbiz monkey I guess it would be bubbles. Love to have a drink with him and get the goss on M.J.

And thanks for the “what keeps you awake at night” entries, I have a new one now and that is thinking about what keeps taffro awake at night.

mandela no!

2006-03-13T23:47:00.000Z

ARTWORK BY DAMO
aint pubs great, you meet the most interesting people. heres me and my old mucker mandela. equal rights of course, every man women and child should have the rights to do want ever they so wish. no matter what your colour, sex or religion, but when it came to his round the tight git said he had to go and see a man about a dog! what about equal drinkers rights? i bet he would have got bono a drink!

monkey magic

2006-03-12T00:02:00.000Z

how adorable are chimps? cute, funny, furry a bundle of sugar chocalate honey joy. well they are until they reach adult hood, then they turn evil. (not as evil as cats, they are pure evil. killing little, lovely birds for no other reason than they can. they make my spine tingle with fear)(the nuclear threat from iran, huh to slow, the cats will get there first. mark my words, to slow) just ask jacko, bubbles was his life. then he reached adulthood and he changed. he became aggressive and moody, much like any teenager. anyway, the pic above was one that i found on the tinternet. i was drawn to it because of the way the baby chimp has a look of total love and trust of its mother. the same way that you might see in a human baby of it's chav single mum. well the same way it has until he/she/it realises that he/she/it's mom has dressed it like a chav twat for all it's life!

badside

2006-03-11T17:41:00.000Z

i hate my photo being taken, i get self conscious waiting for the flash, then blinded by the flash and all for a picture that makes me look like an idiot(shut up). the one used in the artwork above is the only photo of myself taken in modern times that i like, so that is why you will see it in alot of my stuff.

marble

2006-03-11T12:17:00.000Z

morning kids hows it going? found this photoshop web site today and it has some excellent stuff on it and some great tutorials have alook for your self. worth1000 they are not for the beginner, but with a little bit of trial and error you can do some great stuff. i would quite like a marble ipod, but it may wear a hole in your pocket.

it keeps me awake at night

2006-03-09T17:20:00.000Z

every one has a night when they can not fall into the bliss that is sleep. the time when body, soul and mind get a chance to purify and cleanse the filth it has been subjected to over the day and filing away the good. you toss and turn, then toss some more (ok children, stop the sniggering). your mind is racing cos of something someone said or did, you got bills to pay, your going on holiday and your sure you forgot something like the tickets or the fact you are banned from that country for a small missunderstanting with a local, who you are sure ripped you off for a amount that a tramp in this county would turn their nose up at!. you get the idea, there is no knowing what will be the thing tonight that will pray havoc on your bodies down time. last night for me it was this blog, i was trying to think of something to say today. something a little more informed or witty than a spoof or a piss take! in the end i came to the conclussion that not that many people will read it so just go to sleep and stop being a knob!

please fill free to post the things that keep you from sleep.
i may make a top 10, or if the response is rubbish i won't. instead i will use the time to...............

gman

2006-03-08T19:27:00.000Z

well who is this mistery gman? does the g stand for gay, great or maybe gormless? please pray tell or i may not sleep for at least seconds tonight. only joking! you can not spoof people and not expect alittle bit back in return. but it would be nice to know who you are so that i can put a face to the oh so hurtfull comments, don't you know i have been ill and am at a emotional low ebb? above is a mock up of what i think you may look like.

smoking manners

2006-03-07T18:20:00.000Z

with the smoking ban on the way, you dirty smokers may want to take a look at the japanese smoking manners posters for a few lessons in making your habit less dirty! smoking manners
thanks for this link go to pc format magazine

manflu

2006-03-07T18:05:00.000Z

my man flu seems to be on the off today. after the fuzzy head from my 14 hours in bed had worn of i started feeling a lot better. it has now gone to a bit of a head cold, but a trip to the shop (my first outing into the world for three days) to get some lemsip, seems to have brought that to a small annoyance. the only down side to this is that i will have to go back to work. bugger.
just so that you don't think that all i do is spoofs with photoshop above is a non spoof artwork.

lifegem

2006-03-07T17:59:00.000Z

We all know the loss of a loved one can be traumatising, so don’t toss there ashes on the breeze. Have them made into a lifegem!

What is a lifegem? I hear you ask from under your mournful tears.
Well The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.

And if the letter from Laura Andreini is to be believed they do a bloody good job.

Thank you for all of your hard work to make my mother's LifeGem an awesome reality!

The Blue LifeGem sparkles with radiant light as my dear mother did while on earth. When I first saw it in all of its beauty, tears came to my eyes, because I felt as if my mother's life essence was contained within the diamond. The setting is wonderful and enhances the loveliness of the LifeGem.

Oh and they do pets as well!
Check for yourself at lifegem

make it so number one

2006-03-06T13:13:00.000Z

good day to ya! still got the flu, which is nice. spent the night sleeping in my own sweat. if you think that sounds nasty you wanna try it, no your right you don't. i have not gone to work today. after waking up every 10 minutes in a pool of my own jucie, i was not mentaly or physicaly able! sorry you had to be the woman damo, but you sure got a pretty mouth!

big issue, bless you seamus

2006-03-05T17:45:00.000Z

if you see this gentleman in the street, don't take pity for he is not homeless. he has an r6 (motobike) which he kisses before his beddy byes every nite, and quite likly some other dark and disturbing ting's. oh yes i know, he is wrong, very wrong!

i am the wolfman

2006-03-05T17:33:00.000Z

they say there is a beast in all of us, mine is probally a small rodent but i thought a wolf was more manly!

the spoof goes on

2006-03-05T17:04:00.000Z

there are more very talented spoofers out there. two of them are my mates (wot r the chances) if you can tear your eyes away from the visual brillances of my works and move them right you can click on the links and have a look your self.

the true master of the ring

2006-03-05T16:47:00.000Z

i have been in all day! now those who know me won't be surprised by that, but i have a cold and i'm not happy about it. two t-shirts, two sweatshirts, both fires on and i'm still cold. oh and a hat. i don't remember eatin' any dead birds, so i'm hoping it's just man flu! on the plus side i did have time to do a bit of photoshop!

go with the fro

2006-03-05T14:08:00.000Z

this was a very highly rated prize in the late 70's, not as highly rated as the biggest bell ends. now before you say it, yes that was a cheap gag!!!

2006-03-05T13:18:00.000Z

so it begins, so it does. the life and times of badman, this now means i may need to go out and have a life and some times, bugger!